OK this is not a creative based post, this is an honest snapshot of how I’m feeling today, a bad day in the world of step parenting. Apologies in advance for the rant, nobody I know is aware I have this blog and I just need to rant, normal service will be resumed tomorrow!
My stepson Master Clack has lived with me full time since he was 2.5, he is nearly 9. I honestly don’t know how I could love him anymore if I’d given birth to him myself.
I have taught that child literally everything he knows. From getting him out of nappies, his first day at school, every single piece of homework he’s ever done to learning how to tie his shoes and holding his hand at the dentist. I’ve done it all.
His ‘bio’ mum is quite frankly, frigging useless. She lives 15 minutes down the road and only sees him when we take him to her and pick him up. She doesn’t pay anything towards his upkeep and never has. She sees him for 6 hours once a fortnight and that’s if she doesn’t have anything better to do. However, in her defense she made the best decision she could for her Son when she asked if he could come and live with his Dad and myself, which must have been incredibly difficult.
Master Clack has been in a bit of a bad mood the last couple of mornings on the school run and when pressed he said that he was missing his Mum. This drives me absolutely demented (although I should point out I never let him see that). You miss a mother that gave you a terrible life when you were younger (thank god he doesn’t remember!) and can hardly be arsed with him at all. She lets him down all the time and promises him the world and then doesn’t deliver and I’m left consoling a child who doesn’t understand how the woman he idolises can let him down.
I’m having a hard time at the minute, hence the lack of blog posts with a cluster f**k of several things happening all at once and it’s very hard to be upbeat Step-Mum who’s holding down a full time job and has a load of other crap to deal with at the minute and when he said he misses her, I could feel myself falling over the edge and then cried all the way to work!
He’s missing someone he’s old enough to understand promises him the world and never delivers and someone he doesn’t even remember living with. It’s very difficult to be the bigger person and say ‘I’m sure Mummy is working and that’s why she hasn’t rung you’ or ‘Mummy did the best job she could for you’ when in reality she fed him through broken windows to open the front door when she lost her keys when he was aged two and left the glass there for him to crawl in for weeks after, who kept him in clothes that were always filthy and left him with random mates to go partying on the one night she had him in a fortnight. Sometimes I would love nothing more than to scream ‘What are you on about? She’s a tramp who doesn’t give a f**k about you!’ Obviously I never would say that as it would break his heart and I’d never do that.
Children tend to put their biological parents on a pedestal until they wake up and smell the roses and see the light. I know the day will come when it clicks for him that I chose him, I didn’t have to and I did. I chose to be the one who’s there everyday dealing with all the stress motherhood and working combined brings and sometimes a little recognition would be nice! Is it too much to ask?